just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
