just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
