dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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