so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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