Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
