So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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