i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just high enough for therapy.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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