I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Randomize
