He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
MIDGETS
????
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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