I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
