I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
