went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
