i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
