The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
