I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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