I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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