He had one of those small greek statue penises
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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