i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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