No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
