Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My ass is underappreciated
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
