he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize