Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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