i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
