just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
