Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize