My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
