She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
why do cheetos always look like penises
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
