I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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