I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
