No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I could fuck to npr.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
