just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
