i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
