you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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