i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Pants 0. Shit 1.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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