didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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