I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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