I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
