I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
