everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
