I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
