You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize