I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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