I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
