Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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