So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
