it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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