Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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