so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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