you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
