Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
