im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
