whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
