Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
