My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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