Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
