I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize