This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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