My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
