She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
