I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
