He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
