So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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