Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize