you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
my liver is dry heaving
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
