Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
