I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
