that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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