I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
