My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm like, not good at living.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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