you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize