Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
