How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
