I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
