I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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