I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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