Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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