the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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