Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
