dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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