Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
is wine microwaveable?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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