oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
