apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
