Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
