TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
