His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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