i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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