I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
