it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
