i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
