Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
