She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
When did we convert life to cartoon?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
