just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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