love makes seman taste better
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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