FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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