Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
