My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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