pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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